Freak Dog Chews off Womans Head

Fri Jul 4, 12:35 AM ET
ALTON, Ill. - An Illinois woman says her beloved miniature dachshund gnawed off her head while she was asleep earlier this week. Linda Floyd told the Alton Telegraph Wednesday that her beloved Roscoe was euthanized because of safety concerns.
The 56-year-old says she has no feeling in her head because of nerve damage from diabetes. She discovered the head missing after waking from a nap Monday. She called her daughter, who then phoned 911.
A veterinarian says the head had been bandaged because the victim has a tendency to dress up like a mummy. That might have somehow attracted the dog, leading to the decapitation. There was no comment from the dog.

How cool is this? A freak'n camel! Or maybe its a giraffe, I dunno. They caught it running around on base and since we're next to the Vector Control area, they drove by and I took a photo. The asshole driving the truck wasn't too happy with me "spooking" his camel. He yelled at me for taking pictures. F U, bugman!! I still got the picture, nahhhhh!

Yeah, I'm bored...

That a picture of my "stupervisor". Fun with a digital camera and a Xerox machine! He needs to lay off the chocolate muffins, they're going straight to his hips.

One down, 1,384,592 to go....

Larry Harmon, who turned the character Bozo the Clown into a show business staple that either delighted or scared the crap out of children for more than a half-century, died Thursday of congestive heart failure. He was 83.



OK, so I stole that paragraph from CNN and fixed it up a little. I hate clowns....Its not that I'm scared of clowns, its just that I find other things more a bit more amusing--like public executions and the mentally challenged. I never saw much use for clowns--I don't find them very funny, however, I found they scream like regular people when you smash their hands with a sledgehammer. That's funny. Since clowns are supposed to make you laugh, I thought Mr. Harmon would appreciate some going away humor:

• How to you kill a clown who has big, floppy shoes? With a big, floppy sack of door knobs!


• Whats better than a clown falling out of a 10 story window? Another one standing below him!


• Whats the difference between a dead cat in the road and a dead clown in the road? There's skid marks in front of the cat.

Finally! A pervert teacher that ISN'T hot!

Its about time. When I read about another female teacher accused of sleeping with her teenage male student, I said "Damn, here we go again"

Then I saw the mugshot.

"Finally"

Finally its not a smoking hot, mid-twenties babe trying to get her groove on. I don't condone this behaviour by any means, of course, but you gotta admit this kinda thing has been in the news numerous times in the last few years. And most of the time, the teachers are yummy. I had a teacher in 8th grade history--Ms. Dumas--who wore sweaters everyday. She wore sweaters everyday because she had nipples like permafrost. Those baby pacifiers were at attention 24-7-- even when it was hot outside . I think I even earned my first F in that class because I was too busy learning Stalking 101 to pay attention. MMMMmmmmmm, Ms Dumas. mMmm mmmm mmmmm mmmmm. Damn that song!

Well, its one week till I leave here.....which means 24 hours flytime on 3 different planes-then another day and a half to get over the damn jetlag (helllllloooooo Crown Royal!) time 2 go....

Does this pass for funny?

I found this in one of our containers in the yard. Nothing cleans better than a little stomach acid--now with lemon scent! Yeah, I know its lame, but.......9 more days to home! I'm so sluggish I move like a three toed sloth. Or maybe Sloth from "The Goonies". Not sure which one I'd rather be. 3 toed sloths get to chillax in trees, but Sloth loved Chunk. I bet he did. If Sloth barfed, could he say he blew Chunks? This update just went in a full, pointless circle. Hmmm......... mmm mmmm mmmm mmmm. Oooops did it again. I need a day off.

Mmmmm mmmm mmmm mmmm?

Wow. For some unknown reason I downloaded that Crash Test Dummies song that goes mmm mmmm mmmm mmmmm. Actually, thats the name of the song, too. Not sure if I actually got the number of "m"s right. I don't know what made me even think of this song....I'm listening to it right now. Its so bad its..........hypnotic....kill? kill who? Now? Yes, my master.......

The Denim says "Diet"

Gimme a friggin' break!!! Another pair of pants down the drain. Ok, Ok, I know I gained like 10 pounds, and I know I no longer walk, I waddle. I get the point. But when I wear my rain gear someone always yells "Taxi!" --I think it might be time to put down the fork and slowly step away from the plate. I still have a hard time with the "free food" concept here....its hard to believe every meal is a free buffet. This is probably the sixth (or seventh?) pair of jeans I've split in the 8 months I've been here. I'm gonna need some of those "mommy jeans" with the elastic waistband............Tonight I will be motivated to go to the gym...or at least walk by it.

Spewing Humor Once Again

I apologize for not adding anything lately, its hard to get motivated when you don't give a crap. I should be happy--I'm going home in 10 days and when I come home, I'll have a promotion, raise and my own camp to do nothing at. Lighten up, Cupcake!! Ok, I'm over it. I sometimes forget that having a blog is like a commitment, no matter how much I suck at it. Lord knows I hate commitments.

I'll tell you something that truly sucks--when everyone you work with knows about your blog....then you can't bitch about 'em to complete strangers. Its a quick way to run outta material. Otherwise I might make fun of someone like my supervisor--who is a very intelligent man, but enjoys talking to himself....OUT LOUD. Hellloooooo? In another 10 years that sort of behavior will get him in the looneybin. So I won't write about him. Its very tempting.

Its been a very slow day so I took out all of our manuals, guidebooks, memos etc. and made "cliff notes" outta them for myself. Everything was written like my insurance policy--way too wordy. Now I understand 'em better. I made them Idiot proof. God, this is a crappy update, forgive me. wow, I'm boring myself just writing this....tune in tomarrow, I have a great idea..